I just had an episode of Heroes disrupted by this little gem. I thought I'd share it with you all, especially as almost everyone seems to enjoy the Space Monkeys so much.

This guy seems to be several bricks short of a set of lego.

The original email exchange rapidly degenerated. After I had pointed out that his initial position was, frankly, moronic he defended himself by stating that he was not, in fact, an idiot because he studied the Bible. This is something of a red rag to a bull to me as I studied the bible as both a historical and religious text to a very high level of education, and it has remained an area of interest and study since that time.

Over the last few weeks I have thought often of this, and despite recieving several supportive emails (including more than one from self-proclaimed 'bible-thumpin' Yanks), and no objectionable ones, I have decided that I'm going to reorganise this Space Monkey. In the following the emails marked in BLUE have been editted to exclude these exchanges, in a style that hopefully conveys the conversation as it would likely have occurred.

If you're interested the full exchange is located here.

You don't want much, do you?
I may do Padme's yacht, at some point, but to be honest it consists of two rooms and a cupboard; I don't know how much use a deckplan would be. I assume you meant yacht, at least, I don't know, though, yatch could be a euphemism for genitalia and since spell-checking software is so prevailant these days it seems possible this is deliberate. If you wanted me to do a plan of Padme's genitalia I have to say it's not going to happen. Aside from the fact it would be peurile, I doubt Padme's happy hey-hey hole would even show up on 35.5 pixels per meter.

I'm not sure what you mean by non-connon. I have to assume you cannot possibly mean non-canon since even the most cursory look at my page would reveal virtually none of the ships I do are canon.

If I understand you correctly you want to install a bathroom and bedroom in a fighter. That's most amusing. Is there anything else you'd like to put in? A bowling alley perhaps? Parking? A Burger King franchise? How do you see these additions being accomplished? Were you thinking of just welding on a few port-a-cabins?
You say that the guns would be located by the guns, where are the guns besides which the guns are located? You also say the guns are located by the cockpit, are these the guns besides which are the guns or the guns that are to be there are the guns besides which the cockpit guns are there? Are the modular guns of the B-wings guns the guns that are the guns besides which the guns of the cockpit are beside, or the guns of the b-wings besides the guns that are not the guns that are besides the cockpit that are by the guns? To be specific are the guns by the guns that are by the guns or are the guns that are by the cockpit the guns which are besides the guns which lie besides the guns that are on the sides?
Are the modular guns you mentioned different than the guns that are on the stock b-wing, which certainly aren't modular, or some variant of the b-wing you've constructed that are?

I note you take the time to point out that the second request is optional, which is fab, because it's fucking stupid. This must mean the first request is not optional. Can you please provide details by which I am in fact compelled to do this?

You ask if anyone has deckplanned a star destroyer. I thought I was more than completely clear on this. There is more area on board a star destroyer than there is on every floor of every building on the WHOLE of Long Island. Anyone who can't see, instantly, that the idea of planning such a thing is absolutely stupid beyond the most abyssal depths of idiocy must be a complete moron.

You point out that whilst I say I don't do ships over one hundred meters, I have the CR90 at one hundred and fifty, and the Nebulon-B. I've got to say, perhaps you're reading skills are a little substandard. I stated that REQUESTS over a hundred meters will almost invariably not be done. I do not consider MYSELF to be bound by my rules. Also you list the Nebulon-B but have evidently failed to read the entry on that ship as the Nebulon B is LESS than one hundred meters in length.
You suggest that you're pointing these out so someone can't use them as an excuse. Well, to be frank, what the fuck do you think would happen? Do you think I'd sit here and say 'oh drat, they've got me there, I'll have to do their request now'? What gives you the impression I am compelled to do any work what-so-fucking-ever for anybody? I pay real money, my money, every year to host my work for the SWRPG community. Every time I do a plan it takes time away from PAYING work, so every single plan costs me money, real money, MY money. I give these to the community for free because I think they should be available. I know because I get emails every week that there are hundreds of people across the world enjoying my work as it is suppossed to be enjoyed. Do you really think that I would feel in any way obliged to put time money and effort doing work for someone else because of any kind of 'excuse', let alone such an intensely pathetic one as this?

You ask if you can use my plans on a website. Well, clearly you didn't take the time to check my Legal page. No you can't. You have no permission of any kind to use any of my material in any way whatsoever in perpetuity. I must also alert you that if I find you have opted to do so anyway, you will be in breach of the law. That will certainly be in breach of your terms and conditions with your host, with whom I would conversing directly, and to whom i would most certainly conduct legal proceedings to attain compensation. I think you will find it difficult to find a web provider with whom you would not have waived any rights for such claims to be passed directly to you. In short, I will sue your Web provider, they will capitulate within moments and you will be landed a very large bill indeed.

You ask for tips on doing your own plans. What can I say? Develop some talent. May I suggest you start with a Star Destroyer? I'd be interested how long it would take for you to realise what an absolute fool you were for even vaguely thinking anyone in the world might have done anything remotely on the scale of one of these vessels.

I look forward with interest to no more contact with you whatsoever and wish you a great lack of fortune with your subsequent road crossing activities.

I, of course, have also just posted this ridiculous email to the Space Monkeys area of Chrome and look forward to the many emails I will get from fans who have spent some time laughing at your expense.

Admiral

You're claiming that you actually use a spell checker and are still left with almost indecipherable english? What the hell are you using, a japanese one? Or are you merely using that most assinine of positions 'I can't spell so I don't have to, so you have to try and work out what I am trying to say'. When you say you can't spell, don't you feel a burning shame? Literacy isn't some obscure skill useful for some hobbies or passtimes; it is essential for every facet of human existance. It is the first skill taught to children for a reason; everytjhing else depends on it. You have language skills inferior to most six year olds and you think it's OK to ignore that and pass it off with a simple 'I can't spell'?

On the Naboo yacht you see the whole of its interior in Attack of the Clones. Its rather a good flick, you ought to catch it sometime.
Padme's skiff in Revenge of the Sith is about the same size, and has pretty much the same layout. You didn't ask about the skiff, however, so I'm not sure how it is relevant.

I realise you haven't requested a big ship, you asked for a pointless ship, an infantile ship and about a comprehensively assinine ship that I'd already covered.

The word is CANON; an authorative body of text. A CANNON is a large weapon firing explosive projectiles. It isn't rocket science, it's basic language skills, and by basic I mean a reading level of around ten. Of the eighty four generic ships available as deckplans a mighty nine are canon. That's a whole eleven percent. My point was that this would be immediately obvious to any star wars fan and the question of whether or not I do non-canon ships is therefore either proof that you aren't familiar with Star Wars or you're a fool. Given the rest of your email, I'd err on the side of the latter. Comic books are not canon. Computer games are not canon. Role playing games are not canon. If you intend to get into a debate with someone about the canonicity of things you ought to understand what canonicity is beforehand, otherwise you will end up looking foolish. Well, more foolish.

"YES, the B-wings orignal guns were and are modular, i know that much"
Well, you can go right ahead believing that to your dappy hearts' content.

If I choose to do a thing, I am not compelled to, don't you know what compulsion means? When you read the word and realised you didn't know what it meant, why didn't you go look it up? It actually sickens me that the english speaking western world is the only culture on the planet that thinks it is fine and dandy to be an ignorant fool. It is especially ridiculous when a person is being ignorant whilst obviously sitting in front of the most powerful information management and organising tool ever created.

If someone actually planned the Galaxy class starship, and frankly I can find no evidence of that, then yes, it is smaller than a star destroyer. I believe the technical term for the size difference is a FUCKLOAD, as in the Galaxy class is a FUCKLOAD smaller than a star destroyer. Actually approximately four and a half THOUSAND times smaller. Lets see how that correlates in terms of time and money, shall we? The Galaxy class has forty two decks. I'd estimate that each deck would take me (and I am BLISTERINGLY FAST) about four solid days work, that's thirty two hours. That's a total workload of one hundred and sixty eight days for the entire ship thirty four weeks, one thousand three hundred and forty four hours. If I were able to apply the same speed to the Imperial, I would be working an estimated seven hundred and fifty six thousand days, which is just over three thousand working years. Lets assume then that we get three thousand other designers and we all dedicate every working moment to the project. Conservatively the coordination of the task would double the work load, so in effect six thousand designers would be needed. At the rates I charge for intensive and tedious design work that would cost you in the region of four hundred and eighty million dollars. So, bearing this in mind, who exactly do you think might have done this project because they were bored?

And no you wouldnt have to do their request but this way it doesnt clog up your emails with request
You've clogged up my mail with your request. Are you suggesting that clogging my mail with inane ideas on how to avoid clogging up my mail is a good thing? Everyone else seems to understand my guidelines on requests. I had thought my Space Monkey page was sufficient to prevent absolute morons from clogging up my mail too, but you've proven me wrong there.

I also had no idea you recieved tons of emails, i figured like most people with webpages like yours you rarly recieve emails. Most sites like your I see are dead and never been used in years
So why did you bother emailling me? I'd be obliged if you'd explain what you mean by 'sites like mine' as far as I know there are only two sites like mine, this one and Franks. Well, three if you count the SWDA. All of them are being updated frequently and are most certainly NOT dead. Were you perhaps merely trying to be insulting?

Also the neb-b is 300 metters in length, check the compleate guide to vehicles and vessels
Oh, the EGVV? My, however could I have missed that source? Oh, no, wait, I've been doing this for twenty years, I have every source. Why don't you go do the sums yourself, everything you need to do it is on my Nebulon-B page. Just for the record the Essential Guides are NOT canon. No book is canon. I work on what is seen in the films and in the films the Nebulon-B is ninety one meters in length with a POE of around 2%.

WHY DO YOU THINK I ASKED, for PERMISION
I don't know why you asked permission, I state my position on such matters very clearly in my legal section. Anyone with the most microscopic trace of cerebral matter knows to go check the legal page when considering anything of this nature. Being willfully ignorant might work in a lot of places but will get you nothing but abuse from me, I simply won't tolerate it.

And you very rude person for requesting no rude emails and then sending one, oh and thanks for the "tip"
I haven't actually requested no one send me rude emails. I did say any polite mail will get a rapid response, that's not the same thing. Even if I had why do you seem to have the idea that I would be confined by my own policies regarding any damn thing? Do you think this is some kind of global commune? I pay for the site, I do the work, I make the rules, they apply to YOU. I also asked that no one bother me with imbecilic emails, pointed out that I have no interest in discussing star destroyers, and have an entire section on Chrome dedicated to 'outing' sludge-brained cackhounds like yourself specifically to reduce the frequency with which I get bothered by mindless microcephaloids. I must thank you, though, every time I lower the bar someone damn fool comes along to show that no matter how low you go there is always someone even more profoundly stupid who will slither under regardless.

Oh, and thanks for the comment online, and, by your site, you are so normal nice speaking on all your things, and you said, if you have a request please ask, well ya, what did you expect
Here's another little tip - When you write a sentence, read it back to yourself. It will tend to show up things like you are making no sense whatsoever, or that you have no subject OR object, both are generally considered useful in making the sentence meaningful. If by 'normal nice speaking' you mean literate, I can't think what you are referring to, since both of my replies to you have also been literate. As for nice, I'm generally well disposed to people, but I am certainly not going to be nice regardless of whatever someone says. There's no rule I'm aware of that says I can't give you a thorough dressing down and insult you every way from here to the Blue Sunday when you're being such a tedious ignorant prick.

As for what I expected, well, I guess in truth I did expect to deal with a proportion of idiots and nutters. Generally though, what I expect is that people will have a look through the site, read any pertinent pages and then if they really would like to see a ship done to send me a polite email. Your email wasn't polite, but your initial request was dealt with perfectly politely. It was the rest of your vacuous mail that warranted your induction to the Corps of Space Monkeys.

I do find it remarkable that even after knowing your reply is going to be posted for the world to see you still opt to send me your liphid drivel, it appears no other thing to me than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours.

What is wrong with you? I did nothing to you and yet you keep on.
You obviously know nothing scince books are considered canon and you obviously do not understand English by your misuse of fool.
Of course after sending an email for a third time is foolish, but I wanted you to know ill be praying for you.
I've seen all the Star Wars movies and have watched them several times, I also have read almost every Star Wars book ever.
And with my emails "clogging" up your emails, um, if you had just simply said no, like a smart wise unfoolish person would, you wouldn't keep getting responses back that clog it up. I am really sorry you think so low of people and will [hope you ]realize how foolish you are to "make fun" of people. I am considered by all classmates and friends as knowing three things A. knowing a lot about the Bible, B. knowing a lot of science C knowing a lot about Star Wars. However usually the order they say it is CAB or CBA, meaning they first think of me knowing Star Wars before anything else, which is really sad, since I want to be known as knowing the Bible more then Star Wars.

Its amazing that someone who likes Star Wars and Legos and all that other stuff could be so rude, impolite, and foolish; and its really a waste, because someone with your talent shouldn't waste it acting like a jerk, since the rest of your page makes me think you are not a jerk however your emails make me think you are.

Blessings on your Deck plan work
PDeVeau

What is wrong with you? I did nothing to you and yet you keep on.
What's wrong with me? Heh, that was going to be my question of you actually. You did do something to me; you annoyed the hell out of me. Twice, actually, and now a third time. I keep on because you keep sending me emails, you send to me, I reply, it's a perfectly normal function.

You obviously know nothing scince books are considered canon
By whom? By you? By me? I do not consider them canon, lucasfilm do not consider them canon, George Lucas doesn't consider them canon, but since you do you're right?

and you obviously do not understand English by your misuse of fool.
Misuse? Lets see what the dictionary says;

No, that's pretty much what I was trying to convey; you're an idiot, a moron, a fool. Once again I must suggest that if you want to call me on something, you'd be well advised to go check your facts before doing so; you will only end up looking damned foolish if you don't.

Of course after sending an email for a third time is foolish, but I wanted you to know ill be praying for you.
Oh how nice. I'm touched, really. I didn't realise you actually DO suffer from a neurological condition.

I've seen all the Star Wars movies and have watched them several times, I also have read almost every Star Wars book ever.
I don't see how announcing to the world your extremely poor taste in literature is going to help you. I tell you what though, because I'm kind and because whilst berating you for being an idiot is rewarding to me and hopefully useful in the long term for you, offering some productive help is slightly better, here's a list of twelve books that are actually written well. Many of these are sci-fi, too. There are thousands more like them, by which I mean there are thousands of GOOD books. You might not like them, there are occasional big words and you'd just ignore them rather than look them up. In any case, they're not the pulp excrement spoon fed to a mass audience of tasteless nincompoops. Try them, you might learn something.

Moby Dick - Herman Melville
The System of the World - Neal Stephenson (You probably won't like this, Neal Stephenson is black, which is the Mark of Cain according to the Bible.)
Dune - Frank Herbert
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
Fharenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury
The Dice Man - Luke Rheinheart
The Man In The High Castle - Phillip K Dick
Neuromancer - William Gibson
Use of Weapons - Iain M Banks
K-Pax - Gene Brewer
The Demolished Man - Alfred Bester
Absolution Gap - Alastair Reynolds

And with my emails "clogging" up your emails, um, if you had just simply said no, like a smart wise unfoolish person would, you wouldn't keep getting responses back that clog it up.
True, but I would;
A - Think it rude to ignore emails and
B - Not be able to use you as another Space Monkey.

I do hope you realise that I am calling you a fool because your words, such as they are, demonstrate that this is true. Your calling me a fool for no better reason than I've called you that first is no more wounding that it was on the playground when I was in kindergarten, and since you're doing so in public with truly atrocious spelling, grammar, comprehension and general intellectual skills of any kind, you're also simply demonstrating to people that I am quite correct and you are simple minded. The fact you don't even have the capacity to understand that is amusing me immensely.

I am really sorry you think so low of people
Not people - you.

and realize how foolish you are to "make fun" of people.
Not people - you. I'm not making fun either, I'm berating you.

I am considered by all classmates and friends as
Well, that seems to be a completely trustworthy source. Lemme tell ya, though, that I am considered by everyone I have ever met including people that were on the same train as me at some point but never actually occupied the same carriage that I know everything important and relevant about every single facet of human existance, I am the most beautiful person who has ever lived, every single female on the globe wants to sleep with me, or will at some time. They also say I have the power of flight through positive thinking, and I'm wiser and more profound than the Dalai Lama, the Pope, Timothy Leary and George Bernard Shaw combined. They are certain that I have never made a mistake on any subject and am in fact the manifestation of the divine on earth. I reckon that trumps you.

knowing three things A. knowing a lot about the Bible,IB. knowing a lot of science
Oh, how jolly, and what apposite details are you in fact bringing to this discussion?

C knowing a lot about Star Wars.
They're wrong. Well, maybe not. I suppose technically you might know lots about Star Wars but I find that unlikely, and you're certainly showing off a lack of knowledge about starships and personal conduct.

Its amazing that someone who likes Star Wars and Legos and all that other stuff could be so rude, impolite, and foolish;
Actually there is no word 'legos' Lego is a brand name, they make bricks. Many of these bricks are many bricks, or many lego bricks. You can't have more than one lego as it is a singular item. My operating system was made by Mircosoft, many operating systems are not Microsofts. Many Americans make this basic error, I suspect it is simply another indication of how slovenly the language skills are in that country. I'm curious why you think I like Lego, though.
You can accuse me of being rude and impolite, that's fine. You're basing that solely on your experience of me reacting to you being a moron. Lots of other people aren't morons, and I tend not to be rude to them. I'll take the time to point out here that whilst you accuse me of being rude, you didn't have even the basic courtesy to say please or thank you on your intitial email.
You accuse me of being foolish though, but you haven't given any evidence. I think you're basically using the word fool because I do; it sums you up perfectly. I think perhaps you're just pissed off that you can't string a thought together, let alone a sentence, and are simply repeating the words I use in some kind of peurile 'did / didn't' spat.

and its really a waste, because someone with your talent shouldn't waste it acting like a jerk, since the rest of your page makes me think you are not a jerk however your emails make me think you are.
Yeah, well, see, there are lots of people on the planet who think the best thing to do, when someone acts like an idiot, is to ignore it. Let it be someone else's problem. That's the main reason why the western world is absolutely full of shitheads and morons, people like you. I loath people like you. You're demanding, rude and so ignorant you can't even see how stupid you are. I don't think the best thing to do for you is to allow you to carry on being an idiot, I think I should tell you you're an idiot. I think I should point out to anyone who wants to know that you're an idiot. I think you ought to be ASHAMED that you have got so far into your life and have completely failed to pick up elementary skills like language, or even the basic start of a rational mind.

PS You should read the Deckplan Alliance page if im not mistaken you have them as a link and I know they have you as a link.
You think I don't? How do you think links get on my page, magic faeries?

>Huge biblical rant<

I can't help but notice you keep failing to rebutt most of my points.

In any case, this has veered off point far enough. The point of the Space Monkey Corps is to 'out' you personally as an idiot, this has been done, you're SO stupid you've resorted to religious dogma to defend not your points, but you personally. In doing so you've managed to demonstrate a profound lack of intelligence and reason. Therefore, you are an idiot, QED. Whilst I'm perfectly happy to continue correcting your silly ideas, they no longer warrant space on Chrome. The other aim of Space Monkeys is to illustrate to people the kind of response being a complete moron will get you. I don't suffer fools gladly. This has also been demonstrated beyond the need to continue.

Once again, I wish you a great failing of fortune in your road crossing activities - do the world a favour, get the hell off it.